Wulfie's Wurld

Commentary: Asking for a Dictionary

Been listening to the Zacarias Moussaoui trial recently? In case you've forgotten who he is, he's the non-hijacker hijacker on trial for 9-11. The trial is over, and now they're in the sentencing phase. The Jury has been very quiet. The only thing they've asked for was a dictionary. That was denied by the judge, who explained that the Court would define any words that they needed. They didn't ask the Court to define anything.

I wondered why.

Then I received a class-action statement for something. We get those all the time. Buy a Microsoft product and get a class-action statement. Subscribe to cable and get a class-action statement. In this case, one of the many stocks my finance management company bought for me came under litigation. Hooray. And I got a class-action statement. I glanced it over and saw why the Jury asked for a dictionary and why they didn't ask the Court.

Let's define the word "final."

Webster's Ninth Collegiate says: "being the last in a series, process, or progress" and "of or relating to the ultimate purpose or result of a process" and "relating to or occurring at the end or conclusion." It that's still too hard, they offer a synonym: "LAST."

Here's how the Superior Court of the State of California defines it: "Final" means the later of: (a) the date of final affirmance on an appeal of the Judgment, the expiration of the time for a petition to review the Judgment and, if any such writ or petition is granted, the date of final affirmance of the Judgment following the review persuant to that grant; or (b) the date of final, non-appealable dismissal of any appeal from the Judgment or expiration date of the time for the filing or noticing of any appeal from the Court's Judgment approving the Stipulation. Any proceeding or order, or any appeal or petition for review pertaining solely to any claim for attorney's fees and reimbursement of expenses in the Litigation or the Federal Securities Action shall not in any way delay or preclude the Judgment from becoming Final with the meaning of this paragraph. Provided, in no even shall the Judgement in this Litigation be deemed "Final" for purposes of this Stipulation unless and until the dismissals with prejudice in [specifics deleted] have become "Final" as defined in this paragraph.

People get paid to write that shit?